April 17, 2005 - Lesson: Matthew 19.1-12

Sermon Title: How May We Talk about Divorce?

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INTRODUCTION

  1. Rather than seeing Peter as heaven's gatekeeper, pop-quizzing would-be inhabitants before letting them in, perhaps we would do better to see Peter letting the gates of heaven swing wide open.

    1. There are too many "Pearly Gates" jokes with St. Peter standing there giving people admission tests, well, well, like the one about Forrest Gump who died and went to heaven and met Peter at the Pearly Gates.

The day finally arrives: Forrest Gump dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter himself meets him at the Pearly Gates. The gates are closed however, as Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

St. Peter says, "Well Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The tests are fairly short, but you need to pass before you can get into Heaven."

Forrest responds "It shore is good to be here St. Peter. I was looking forward to this. Nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. Sure hope the test ain't too hard; life was a big enough test as it was."

St. Peter goes on, "Yes, I know Forrest, but the test I have for you is only three questions.

1. What days of the week begin with the letter T?

2. How many seconds are there in a year?

3. What is God's first name?"

Forrest goes away to think the questions over. He returns the next day and goes up to St. Peter to try to answer the exam questions. St. Peter waves him up and says, "Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers."

Forrest says, Well, the first one - how many days of the week begin with the letter "T"? Shucks, that one's easy. That'd be Today and Tomorrow."

The Saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims, "Forrest! That's not what I was thinking, but.. ...you do have a point though, and I guess I didn't specify, so I give you credit for that answer.

How about the next one?" asks St. Peter. "How many seconds in a year?"

"Now that one's harder," says Forrest, "But I thunk and thunk about that and I guess the only answer can be twelve." Astounded St. Peter says, "Twelve!? Twelve!? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"

Forest says "Shucks, there's gotta be twelve: January second, February second, March second..." "Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you're going with this. And I guess I see your point, though that wasn't quite what I had in mind, but I'll give you credit for that one, too."

"Let's go on with the next and final question. Can you tell me God's first name?"

Forrest replied, "Andy."

"OK, OK," said a frustrated St. Peter, "I guess I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you came up with the name Andy as the first name of God?"

"That was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied "I learned it from the song.....

(Are you sure you are ready for this?)

"ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN... "

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MAIN BODY:

  1. A much more serious test is facing Jesus

    1. Jesus...left Galilee and went to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan.

      1. Large crowds followed him, and he cured them there.

      2. Some Pharisees came to him, and to test him they asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause?"

    2. This is a rather delicate question in the territory of Herod Antipas.

      1. John the Baptist criticized Herod for marrying his brother's wife.

      2. Herodias was so incensed that she had her daughter call for the head of John on a platter.

    3. It is also a delicate question because of the two schools of thought that existed among the Pharisees.

      1. At this time there were two famous divinity and philosophical schools among the Jews.

      2. The SHAMMAI, and that of HILLEL.

      3. On the question of divorce, the school of Shammai maintained, that a man could not legally put away his wife, except for prostitution.

      4. The school of Hillel taught that a man might put away his wife for a multitude of other causes, and when she did not find grace in his sight; i.e. when he saw any other woman that pleased him better.

    4. So Jesus is caught between the two groups who are testing him and seeking information to discredit and subvert him.

    5. He handles the situation neatly and decisively.

      1. He answered, "Have you not read that the one who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."

      2. He avoids the thought of both schools and appeals, as you would expect him to do, to the scripture in Genesis 2.24

    6. They said to him, "Why then did Moses command us to give a certificate of dismissal and to divorce her?"

      1. Jesus responded, "It was because you were so hard-hearted that Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another commits adultery."

      2. This was to protect the rights of woman as well as children in a family.

  2. How does one talk about divorce?

    1. Well, which school will you follow?

      1. We have both of them with us, even to this day.

      2. We do not call them Shammai, or Hillel

      3. We call them strict constructionists and liberals.

    2. Give what we know how do we talk about marriage and divorce?

  3. You can take a hard line.

    1. You can tally the impact on families.

      1. How terrible divorce can be on spouses and children.

      2. The cost to families and to society.

    2. We can seek to legally create a system that makes divorce hard to achieve.

    3. We can require all couples to engage in extensive premarital counseling before issuing a marriage license.

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  1. You can take a compassionate line.

    1. You can promote the ideal.

    2. We have heard what Jesus said.

      1. What is said here is not for the community at large.

      2. What is said here is for, first of all the Jewish community and then for the Christian community.

    3. We need to acknowledge the reality, the hurt and the healing of divorce.

    4. My whole view of divorce was quickly challenged by a family in a congregation that I served in the 60's

      1. I was strongly advocating togetherness, reconciliation and conflict resolution.

      2. I did not know how serious the husbands abuse of alcohol was until his wife grabbed him and dragged him out of his car on a cold winters night and left him there to die of hypothermia.

      3. I quickly urged a separation and ultimately a divorce.

    5. We look at divorce as failure.

"The failure is not the divorce; the failure was the marriage itself. To perpetuate the marriage may be only to perpetuate a lie." (1)

    1. Rather than talk about divorce, perhaps we ought to talk about marriage.

  1. Would you rather have a humorous look at marriage or a serious discussion?

    1. Humorously

An archbishop, attending a confirmation in a small parish, watched as the local pastor gave the preparatory questions to a frightened little girl. He asked her to define the state of matrimony, and she answered:

"It's a state of terrible torment which those who enter are compelled to undergo for a time to prepare them for a better world."

"No, no," chided the pastor, "that's not matrimony. That's the definition of Purgatory."

"Leave her alone," said his superior. "Perhaps the child has been shown the light."

XXX

Two people are examining a wedding invitation.

One is reading:

"It's an invitation from Ed's former wife, Liz, and her third husband, Fred, announcing the marriage of Liz's daughter by her second husband to Fred's son by his second wife. Enclosures include a reply card, directions, and a cast of characters.

    1. Seriously

      1. One of the myths that needs to be dispelled is what is called the Cinderella Myth.

        1. There is one right person out there in the world and when you meet that person you will fall in love and live happily ever after.

        2. Unfortunately this does not work.

Zig Ziglar tells about an event that occurred several years ago while he was coming in on a plane. He noticed a fellow seated next to him who had his wedding band on the index finger of his right hand. Zig says he couldn't resist the temptation, so he commented, "Friend, you've got your wedding band on the wrong finger." The man responded, "Yeah, I married the wrong woman."

      1. For a price, You can fill a personality profile at E-Harmony.com and find the perfect mate.

        1. This does not work either.

        2. There are no guarantees.

    1. When you get right down to it, the church is responsible for modeling the principles of marriage.

Fred Buechner, in his book WHISTLING IN THE DARK, says, "Marriage is where a man and a woman become more richly themselves together, than the chances are either of them could ever have managed to become alone."

      1. As John Graham said:

Even if marriages are made in heaven, man has to be responsible for the maintenance. --John Graham

      1. When our oldest granddaughter went off to college, I said to her, "Use your head and not your hormones.

    1. So here we are.

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CONCLUSION

  1. A parishioner came to visit Oklahoma City pastor Norman Neaves in his office. (2)

The man told him that he was sick and tired of his marriage, and that he wanted out of it. Neaves listened, and responded "Good!" Shocked and silenced, the man listened as Dr. Neaves went on to say: "You know, if you feel that way about your marriage, I wonder if your wife might not feel that way, too." The man admitted he had never thought about that one before. Neaves then challenged the man to join with his wife in getting a divorce...not from one another, but from the kind of marriage in which the two of them had been involved for such a long time. "What would it mean for the two of you to 'divorce' yourselves from that kind of marriage and to start building a brand new one?"

    1. The hard things need to be said.

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.

"Well, how was the honeymoon?" asked the mother.

"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic...." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language. He's been saying things I've never heard before! All these awful four-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home...please, mama!"

"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What four-letter words has he been using?"

"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed! They're just too awful! You've got to come get me and take me home...please, mama!"

"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset...Tell your mother these horrible four-letter words!"

Still sobbing, the bride replied, "Oh, mama...words like dust, wash, iron and cook..."

      1. The four letter words are not only for the wife, but also for the husband.

      2. Both husband and wife are in this marriage together.

    1. Marriage is work.

      1. It is like developing a beautiful flower garden.

The playwright Richard Sheridan, known for such plays as The Rivals and School for Scandal, gave his wife the most beautiful compliment: "Won't you come into the garden? I would like my roses to see you."

As Sam Levison said:

Love at first sight is nothing special. It's when two people have been looking at each other for years that it becomes a miracle.

      1. We accept our hardness of heart and promote the miracle.

  1. I do not know how well I have fulfilled the premise for this sermon. Only you know that as you have listened and absorbed what has been said.

1. Dwight Hervey Small, The Right to Remarry (Old Tappan, N.J.: Fleming H. Revell, 1975), 183.

2. As referenced by Barry P. Boulware, "Do You Really Want to Grow?"

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