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Same Landlord
A young woman, pursuing a graduate degree in art history, was
going to Italy to study the country's greatest works of art. Since
there was no one to look after her grandmother while she was
away, she took the old lady with her. At the Sistine Chapel in the
Vatican, she pointed to the painting on the ceiling.
"Grandma, it took Michelangelo a full four years to get that ceiling
painted."
"Oh my, "the grandmother says. "He and I must have the same
landlord."
Pastor Tim [posts@cybersaltlists.org]
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Magic Car
A mother gave her teenage daughter a car for her eighteenth
birthday.
As she handed over the keys, she explained that it was a magic
car.
The girl, of course, was very excited, and asked what it did.
"Well," said Mom, "Just get one ticket and you'll see how quickly it
will disappear."
- from Ann F. Docs Daily Chuckle <pkaine@roadrunner.com>
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The Politician Dance
There was a dance teacher who talked of a very old dance called
the Politician.
"All you have to do" she told her class "is take three steps
forward, two steps backward, then side-step side-step and turn
around."
Pastor Tim, posts@cybersaltlists.org
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Piano Tuner
The doorbell rang and the lady of the house discovered a
workman, complete with tool chest, on the front porch.
"Madam," he announced, "I'm the piano tuner."
The lady exclaimed, "Why, I didn't send for a piano tuner."
The man replied, "I know you didn't, but your neighbors did."
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle. The Good, Clean Funnies List
<gcfl-info@gcfl.net>
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A mother asked her small son what he would like for his birthday.
"I'd like a little brother," a boy said.
"Oh my, that's such a big wish," said the mother. Why do you
want a little brother"?
"Well," said the boy, "there's only so much I can blame on my
dog."
Pastor Tim, posts@cybersaltlists.org
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Christmas Shopping with Children
After some last-minute Christmas shopping with her
grandchildren, my friend was rushing them into the car when
four-year-old Jason said, "Grandma, Susie has something in her
pocket." He reached in and pulled out a new red barrette.
Though she was tired, my friend knew it was important for Susie
to put the item back where she had found it. They did just that.
Later at the grocery store checkout, the clerk asked, "Have you
kids been good so Santa will come?"
"I've been very good," replied Jason, "but my sister just robbed a
store."
Pastor Tim <posts@cybersaltlists.org>
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During the childrens message at the Christmas Eve service at
Mantua (NJ) United Methodist Church,
Rev. Karl R. Kraft read a little story from a new book about Mary
and Josephs journey to Bethlehem. The pastor would read a
page, then show the children the picture illustrating the story,
The story had progressed to where Joseph was approaching the
door of the inn. Kraft turned the page and read the first words:
"Knock, knock, knock!" Without missing a beat, a little girl
responded: "Whos there?"
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TV
I was sprawled on the living-room couch watching my favorite
show on the Food Network when my husband walked in.
"Why do you watch those food shows?" he asked. "You don't even
cook."
Glaring back at him, I asked, "Then why do you watch football?"
~from Da Mouse Tracks Docs Daily Chuckle
pkaine@roadrunner.com
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Happy Birthday Bill
A lawyer sent an overdue bill to a client. A note was attached that
stated: "This bill is one year old."
By return mail the lawyer had his bill back. To it was attached a
card which read: "Happy Birthday."
Pastor Tim posts@cybersaltlists.org
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Omitted Stories
Reverend Smith, a respected church leader, arrived in a large city
to deliver a series of speeches.
At a banquet the first evening, he noticed some reporters in the
audience. Because he wanted to use some of the stories he told
that night in his speeches the next day, he asked the reporters to
omit them from their articles.
One article that came out the next day, written by a cub reporter,
concluded with this line: "Reverend Smith also told a number of
stories that cannot be printed."
Pastor Tim posts@cybersaltlists.org
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Marital Faithfulness (1)
A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket
and said, "You know, I've lost my wife somewhere in this huge
supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?" she asks.
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife
suddenly appears out of nowhere and I'm tired of looking for her!"
1.
posts@cybersaltlists.org
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Modest Income
"Darling," said the young man to his new bride. "Now
that we are married, do you think you will be able to live on my modest
income?"
"Of course, dearest, no trouble," she answered. "But
what will you live on?"
Pastor Tim posts@cybersaltlists.org
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Border Declaration
Finishing up our work at a trade show in San Diego, my co-worker Maureen and I
decided to go sightseeing across the border in Tijuana, Mexico. While there, we
went shopping and bought a few pieces of clay kitchenware.
As we crossed back into the United States, a customs official asked if we had
anything of value to report.
"Not really," Maureen replied, digging in her bag for the bean crock she had
purchased.
Everyone around us froze as she continued, "I only bought a little pot."
Pastor Tim posts@cybersaltlists.org
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Helping Hand...
On Coast Guard cutters, low-ranking crew members take turns in the galley
helping the cooks. One young seaman aboard was always dropping dishes
and spilling food.
One day, alone in the galley, he noticed an unfrosted yellow sheet cake
cooling on the counter. Determined to finally rectify past errors, the seaman
made chocolate icing and carefully decorated the cake with it.
Returning later, the cook began frantically looking around the galley, then
shouted out,
"Where did my cornbread go?"
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
The Good, Clean Funnies List <gcfl-info@gcfl.net>
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May I Have All the Children?
Yesterday at church, a lady from the congregation
was presenting the children's sermon. She walked up to the front of the
church and said, "May I have all of the children?"
As the children walked forward, several parents
responded, "Yes."
One quick-witted father asked, "For how long?"
Received from Keith Sullivan.
The Good, Clean
Funnies List <gcfl-info@gcfl.net>
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Picking a Winner
The bookie slowly counted out the money into the old
lady's wrinkled hands.
"Lady," he said, "I just don't understand. However
did you manage to pick the winner?"
The old lady patted her white locks in place. She
looked a little bewildered. "Really," she said, "I don't know myself. I just
stick a pin in the paper and, well, there it is."
The bookie took a deep breath. "That's all very
well, lady," he cried. "But how on earth did you manage to pick four winners
yesterday afternoon?"
"Oh," replied the old lady, "that was easy. I used a
fork."
~Pastor Tim, Cybersaltlists.org
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Cold Cream Questions
A little boy watched, fascinated, as his mother
gently rubbed cold cream on her face.
"Why are you rubbing cold cream on your face,
mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother.
A few minutes later, she began removing the cream
with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" he asked. "Are you giving up?"
From Cybersalt Digest Docs Daily Chuckle
<pkaine@roadrunner.com>
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I Can't Make You Younger!
An elderly gentleman wasn't feeling well,
and became irritated with his doctor because he wasn't getting
better after five visits.
"Look!" said
the doctor. "I'm doing all I can to help you. I can't make you
younger!"
"I wasn't interested in
getting any younger," said the man. "I just want to continue getting
older."
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