A BIT OF HUMOR Page 12
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Worry ⁽¹⁾

Two kids are talking to each other. One says, "I'm really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I'm worried sick!"

The other kid says, "What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you've got it made!"

The first kid says, "What if they try to escape?"

1. cybersaltlists.org

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Is There a Santa Claus ⁽¹⁾

A few days after Christmas last year, my six year old son and I were talking.

He asked, "Mom, is there a Santa Claus?"

"Well, what do you think?" I asked him.

He replied, "Well, my Playstation that I got and my gift from Santa were wrapped in the same kind of wrapping paper." He thought for a minute and said, "I'll tell you what...you and Dad can go on buying me presents and let's just forget we ever had this talk!"

1. Pastor Tim [posts@cybersaltlists.org]

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Diamonds ⁽¹⁾

Morris ran into Jacob while shopping at the mall the other day in front of one of the jewelry stores. Noticing a conspicuously small gift wrapped box in his hand, Morris asked if was a gift for Jacob's wife Becky.

Jacob told Morris, "With Christmas coming up, I asked Becky what she wanted and she said, "Oh, I don't know just give me something with lots of diamonds in it."

"So what did you get her?" Morris asked.

Jacob smiled and replied, "I bought her a deck of cards."

1. Mikey's Funnies [funnies-owner@lists.MikeysFunnies.com]

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The 3 stages of man: ⁽¹⁾

He believes in Santa Claus.

He doesn't believe in Santa Claus.

He is Santa Claus.

but don't forget the 4th stage....

He LOOKS like Santa Claus.

1. Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke! Crosswalk [You_Make_Me_Laugh@lists.crosswalk.com]

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Stress Relief ⁽¹⁾

As an assistant professor, I taught during the day and did research at night. I would usually take a break around eight, however, to play the strategy game Warcraft online with a teammate.

One night I was paired with a veteran of the game who was a master strategist. With him at the helm, our troops crushed one opponent after another, and after six games we were undefeated. Suddenly, my fearless leader informed me that his mom wanted him to go to bed.

"How old are you?" I typed.

"Twelve," he replied. "How old are you?"

Feeling my face redden, I answered, "Ten."

1. The Good, Clean Funnies List [gcfl-info@gcfl.net]

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Leak Repair ⁽¹⁾

My husband's skills with do-it-yourself home repairs are at best mediocre. After spending several evenings trying to fix a leak in the bathroom, he finally admitted defeat and called a plumber, who finished the job in ten minutes.

Watching him put away his equipment, my son asked what had been the problem.

"Well," the plumber replied, "seems that your father got hold of some tools..."

1. You Make Me Laugh [You_Make_Me_Laugh@crosswalkmail.com]

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Who's Favor ⁽¹⁾

After spending all day Sunday watching football on television, a man fell asleep and spent the night in the chair. His wife woke him in the morning.

"It's twenty to seven," she called.

"In who's favor?"

1. Pastor Tim [posts@cybersaltlists.org]

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Bathroom Scales ⁽¹⁾

Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store.

"Have you ever seen one of these before?" one asked.

"Yeah, my mom and dad have one," the other replied.

"What's it for?" asked the first boy.

"I don't know," the second boy answered. "I think you stand on it and it makes you mad."

1. The Good, Clean Funnies List [gcfl-info@gcfl.net]

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Turnip Pun ⁽¹⁾

I put some turnips, his least-favorite vegetable, on my eleven-year-old son's dinner plate and instructed him to eat everything. He cleaned his plate, except for the turnip.

I pointed out to him that if he'd eaten it earlier, he wouldn't have been left with its taste in his mouth at the end of the meal.

Thoughtfully, he replied, "I guess I was just trying to delay the inedible."

1. Pastor Tim [posts@cybersaltlists.org]

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