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From time top time it is well to review some of the principles of good communication. The following statements summarize suggestions that have appeared in various journals and books. The list will remind busy people of communication principles that sometimes get submerged in the day-to-day routine.

1. If there is one thing more important than any other to good communication, it is self-knowledge. To get better acquainted with your self take fifteen to twenty minutes in quiet each day to reflect on yourself, your purpose, your relationship with your wife/husband and dream that you have for your marriage.

2. What is said and done, day-to-day in your home, is the most important part of communication in marriage. Intellectual honesty, living what is said, acting cooperation as well as talking about it, is essential to developing good communication.

3. No matter what we say or how we say it, no one else gets quite the meaning we intend from the words we use. By the same token, we never get quite the meaning anyone else intends.

4. One of the biggest obstacles to communication is our tendency to evaluate, to pass judgement on, to agree or disagree with statements before we find out what is meant.

5. Another important obstacle is our feeling that we have to defend ourselves by defending what we have said. Allow yourself to be "wrong." Being wrong says nothing about your character. We are wrong often because we do not have sufficient information or we have accepted incorrect information for the opinions we hold.

6. When listening, look for what your husband/wife intends to say, not just what he/she has said.

7. When talking, think in terms of the total impression you create, not just the words that are used.

8. When talking, consider every indication of wife's/husband's response, not just whether your conclusions were understood.

9. Ask more questions, to see if your husband/wife have understood what you intended to say. Have your side of the argument repeated, "to see if you've said what you meant." Check for understanding at the time of talking.

10. Misunderstandings are inevitable, and therefore the kind of atmosphere needs to be created that will encourage your wife/husband to ask questions when he/she doesn't fully understand.

11. Where difficulties arise, try to keep the talking centered on the problem rather than on your personalities. Don't ever say, "You made me ???!" Your wife/husband cannot make you do anything. Our thoughts and feelings are our own. It is important to recognize them for what they are and own them for yourself.

12. Remember, as your wife/husband sees the situation, he/she is right.

13. When you disagree, try to get each other to state the other's position, each to the satisfaction of the other.

14. Recognize that in discussion disagreement is normal and inevitable. Expect it, prepare for it, use it to obtain greater awareness of the various aspects of the problem at hand.

15. Don't abruptly disprove your husband's/wife's statement, and don't directly contradict. Disprove indirectly, preserving the other person's ego in the process.

16. Control your own natural ego-building desire to get the upper hand, to show up weaknesses in the other person' point of view. Do reveal weaknesses when they are important, but do it in a way that leaves the other person's ego intact.

17. Take every honest opportunity to make your wife/husband feel better or more important.

18. An important function of communication within any marriage is to make known or bring to light misunderstandings and misapprehensions before they develop into serious problems.

19. It is usually a good idea, after your wife/husband has pour out their gripe, to ask her/him to describe the situation again, "to make sure that you get it straight," Telling a gripe the second time often makes it seem less important.

20. Vary rarely will anyone change his/her mind by being asked to, told to, or argued with. He/She must come to see the situation differently, and this in not likely to happen as long as a personal threat is seen in the situation or there is a need to defend one's self.

21. When talking, pause more often to think through what you are about to say. We create strong impressions by the way we phrase ideas and whether we make rambling or concise statements.

22. Tone of voice is more important than we think. Consider the impressions that are being created with your tone of voice.

23. Body movements offer clues to feelings, meanings, and attitudes. Random, involuntary movements often suggest that you are ill at ease or impatient. Consider what is being communicated by your body movements.

24. Be as direct and as candid as is possible under the circumstances. Your husband/wife is very important. Directness and candor help to create understanding and trust.

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