HOLY HUMOR SUNDAY! APRIL 19, 2009

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WELCOME

AN INVITATION TO JOYFUL WORSHIP

(L=Leader, C=Children and Adults)

J: People of God, did you hear the one about the crooked painter who watered down his paint on a church steeple?

L: No! What happened?

J: The first rain -- it all ran off.

L: No!

J: The preacher found out what happened;

L: And what did he say?

J: He said REPAINT, AND THIN NO MORE!

L: (Groan . . .)

*INVOCATION:

You may have heard about the little girl who was learning The Lord’s Prayer, and she was doing pretty well, carefully repeating the lines just as her mom told her.

One night she was ready to go solo, and launched in all by herself.

She got everything just right, with just one little mistake: “Lead us not into temptation, she prayed, but deliver us some Email.”

Let us pray together

Hear us, God of joy, in our laughter and in our tears too, as we offer our prayer, Our Father in Heaven, let your holy name be known, let your kingdom come, and your will be done, on earth as in heaven. Give us today the bread that we need, and forgive us our wrongs, and OK, we’ll forgive those who have done wrong to us too. Do not lead us into trial, but save us from evil. For we want for you alone rule in our hearts; you have power to transform, and in the light of your smile is your glory. Amen.

GREETING: HANDSHAKE OF PEACE

ANNOUNCEMENTS/PRAYER REQUESTS

PEOPLE’S PRAYER - LORD’S PRAYER (USING DEBTS)

*GLORIA PATRI

INTRODUCTION TO OFFERING

A $100 bill, a $20 bill and a $1 bill at the end of their useful lives were together, about to be shredded. The $100 says, “I’ve seen the whole world during my lifetime, Why, I’ve been on cruises in the Caribbean, safaris in Africa, and vacations in Europe.”

The $20 says, “Well, I’ve not done quite as well as you, but I have been to Atlantic City, Disneyland, and Starbucks.”

They both turn to the $1 and ask, “How ?bout you? Where have you been?”

Not wanting to be outdone, the $1 says, “I’ve seen the whole country as well - going from church to church to church.”

The $100 asks, “What’s a church?”

“The Lord loves a cheerful giver,” or a better translation might be, “The Lord loves a hilarious giver!” Let us give freely and gladly, out of a heart of joy and laughter.

OFFERING

*DOXOLOGY

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SUNDAY SCHOOL SONG

CHILDREN’S TIME

SCRIPTURE READING: Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

SERMON

A man who comes but once or twice a year was coming out of church last week, on Easter, and as he came by to shake my hand I pulled him aside and said quietly to him : “You need to join the Army of the Lord!”

The man replied, “I’m already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.”

Well how come I don’t see you except at Christmas and Easter?”

He whispered back to , “I’m in the secret service.”

Today’s Holy Humor Sunday has its roots in history. For centuries, in the Orthodox Churches, Easter Monday and “Bright Sunday (the Sunday after Easter) were observed by the faithful as “days of joy and laughter” with parties and picnics to celebrate Jesus’ resurrection.

Parishioners and pastors played practical jokes on each other, drenched each other with water, sang, and danced. It was a time for clergy and people to tell jokes and to have fun.

The custom of Easter Monday and Bright Sunday celebrations were rooted in the musings of early church theologians (like Augustine, Gregory of Nyssa, and John Chrysostom) that God played a practical joke on the devil by raising Jesus from the dead. Easter was “God’s supreme joke played on death.”

“Risus paschalis - the Easter laugh,” the early theologians called it.

How was it possible for the Orthodox Churches to laugh, dance, tell funny stories and play jokes on one another, priest and parishioner alike?

We learned that Sunday was a holy day. You did not work, you did not play. It was somber because of the sacrifice that Jesus Christ made on the cross for each of us.

You came to worship, sat down, and were quiet. There was to be no conversation, only a profound introspective look at one’s self so that it might be determined what the sin that afflicted you was and how it could be exercised.

This is because we have been taught the doctrine of “substitutionary atonement.”

This means that Jesus died for us. God’s justice demanded a sacrifice and Jesus was that sacrifice.

The Eastern Church did not accept this doctrine.

The Eastern Church teaches the doctrine of Theosis.

Theosis is the Eastern Church’s concept of salvation that teaches we are contaminated with a sickness that effects body, soul and spirit.

Theosis is the process of healing the whole human being.

This is where Ecclesiastes come in.

There is a time to weep and time to laugh.

There is a time to mourn and a time to dance.

We have become quit good at the weeping and the mourning part, but not so good in the laughing and dancing part.

This is why we have this Sunday to loosen us up and prepare us for the rest of the year.

If you have little or no sense of humor, life can be miserable.

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TTL TIME, Time to Laugh

You have heard of laugh therapy or that laughter is the best therapy. It’s true, when we laugh, we release the Body’s natural healing enzymes called endorphins. Singers get that kind of release when they sing. Runners and bikers get that running high endorphins. You get endorphins from hugs, from listening to music, from chocolate!

Humor is one of God’s great gifts. It is one of the ways that God grants us healing.

William Willimon in his book, The Laugh Shall Be First, [Abingdon, 1986] says that “among all of God’s creatures, human beings are the only animals who both laugh and weep-for we are the only animals who are struck with the difference between the way things are and the way things ought to be. In those priceless moments when we are struck with the incongruity of this world, humor results. A stern, smug gentleman slips on a banana peel and ends us sprawled on the sidewalk - we laugh; Groucho Marx throws a pie in the face of a haughty woman in an evening gown - we laugh.” Humor is a wonderful way of holding up a mirror to see ourselves, including our many frailties, so that we can laugh at ourselves.

You may have heard of the man who had been shipwrecked on a remote island in the Pacific, and was alone for 20 years. When a ship finally arrived, his rescuers were impressed with the three buildings he had built and asked him about them.

“Well,” the man replied, “this is my house, and that building over there is my church. It’s a wonderful church and I hate to leave it.”

“And what’s the third building yonder?” a rescuer asked.

“Oh, that’s the church I used to go to,” the man replied.

We laugh . . . and we also cry a little.

Reinhold Niebuhr, the great theologian, says . . . that “the very essence of sin is taking ourselves too seriously.” If that’s true, the very essence of grace is to receive the gift of laughter, especially when the joke is on us, particularly when the most laughable incongruities consist of the gap between who we are and who God would have us be.” [p. 10]

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So to let us laugh our loud today, to see ourselves, to find grace, and just to have fun. And let’s start with The Bible! Let’s test your knowledge of the Good Book!

L: Did you know what kind of car the apostles drove?
J: No, what kind did they drive?
L: They shared a Honda.
J: How do you know?
L: The Bible says that they were “all in one Accord.”

J: Do you know why they couldn’t play cards on the Ark?
L: Nope, Why didn’t they play cards on the Ark?
J: Because Noah was standing on the deck.

L: For all you coffee lovers out there, did you know that it’s a sin for a woman to brew coffee?
J:Yup, it’s right there in the Bible; it says, He-brews.

J: What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?
L: I give up; What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?
J: Ruthless.

L: Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
J: Pharaoh’s daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

L: If you’re so smart tell me this: Besides Adam and Eve, of course, who is the only person in the Bible who had no parents?
J: That’s easy. Joshua, the son of Nun.

BIBLICAL LIMERICKS

And now to fuel the Creationist/Evolutionist battles, here are three limericks from Genesis: [Biblical Limericks, D.R. Bensen, Ballentine, 1986]

There was an Old Man of the Void,
Who said, “I grow bored and annoyed;
I’ll create Me a planet,
Then I shall man it -
I am tired of speaking unhoid.”

Adam, we’re told, was lonely, and so God created Eve from one of his ribs:
“Feeling empty? Just nap for an hour,”
Said the Lord, “and I’ll show you My power.”
God told no fib;
He served up a spare rib
(A dish Adam found sweet and sour.)

And of course there is the story of Adam and Eve eating of the forbidden fruit:

“The fruit of that Tree, do not try it!”
-Give an order, and Man will defy it.
Those very first bites
Left us laden with plights:
Sin, death, and opinions on diet.

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AND IN HONOR OF CHURCH BULLETINS EVERYWHERE, HERE ARE SOME BULLETIN BLOOPERS:

L:      Bertha Belch, a missionary from the Congo will be speaking tonight at Calvary Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa

J:       The cost of attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals

L:      The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” Be sure to return tonight for “Searching for Jesus.”

J:       Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

L:      The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

J:       Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday and 7:00. Please use the back door.

L:      Due to the Pastor’s illness, Wednesday’s healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

J:       Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

L:      Don’t let worry kill you - let the church help!

J:       Remember in prayer those who are sick of our church and community.

IRISH JOKES

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, “Do you want to go to heaven?” The man said, “I do Father.” The priest said, “Then stand over there against the wall.” Then the priest asked the second man, “Do you want to got to heaven?” “Certainly, Father,” was the man’s reply. “Then stand over there against the wall,” said the priest. Then Father Murphy walked up to O’Toole and said, “Do you want to go to heaven?” O’Toole said, “No, I don’t Father.”

The priest said, “I don’t believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don’t want to go to heaven?”

O’Toole said, “Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.”

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POPE JOKES

With all due respect, we really must have a Pope joke or two, don’t you think?

The Pope was visiting NY, and one day after his luggage had been loaded into the limo, he made a strange request of his driver. “Since becoming Pope, they never let me drive anymore, and I really like to drive. I’m away from Rome, and nobody will know, so what do you say I drive?

Against his better judgment, the driver reluctantly gets in the back seat, and the Pope floors it. Once on the expressway, he’s going well over 100 mph.

“Please slow down, your Holiness!” cries the driver from the backseat. To no avail.

It doesn’t take long, and there’s a cop on his tail. The Pope pulls over, and the cop approaches until he sees who is driving. He goes back to his squad car and calls in.

“I need to talk to the Chief,,” he tells the dispatcher. The Chief gets on and the cop says he’s stopped a limo going 105.

“So bust him!” yells the Chief.

“I don’t think we want to do that. This is someone very important.”

“So? Arrest him!”

“No, I mean really important.”

“Who ya got there, the Mayor?”

“Bigger”

“The Governor?”

“Bigger.”

“Is it the President?”

“Still bigger.”

“Well, who is it?” asked the Chief.

“I think it’s God!” says the cop.

The Chief can’t believe that, and says, “Just what makes you think it’s God?!”

“He’s got the Pope as a chauffeur.”

And what could be better than a Pope joke that includes golf?

The Pope met with his Cardinals to discuss a proposal from the Prime Minister of Israel. “Your Holiness,” said one of the Cardinals, “The Prime Minister wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths.”

The Pope thought it was a good idea, but had never held a golf club in his hand. “Don’t we have a Cardinal to represent me?” he asked. “None that plays golf very well,” the Cardinal replied. “But” he added, “there is a man named Jack Nicklaus, an American golfer who is a devout Catholic. We can offer to make him a Cardinal, then ask him to play Netanyahu as your personal representative. In addition to showing our spirit of cooperation, we will also win the match.”

Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made. Of course, Nicklaus was honored and agreed to play. The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of the golf game.

“I have some good news and some bad news, Your Holiness” said the golfer. “Tell me the good news first, Cardinal Nicklaus” said the Pope.

“Well, Your Holiness, I don’t like to brag, but even though I’ve played some pretty terrific rounds of golf in my life, this was the best I have ever played by far. I must have been inspired from above. My drives were long and true, my irons were accurate and my putting was perfect. With all due respect, my play was truly miraculous.”

“There’s bad news?” the Pope asked. “Yes” Nicklaus signed. “I lost to Rabbi Tiger Woods by three strokes.”

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AND DID YOU HEAR THE ONE ABOUT JESUS IN HEAVEN . . .

Jesus is walking through heaven one day, a little bored, when he passes the Pearly Gates and sees St. Peter talking with an elderly gentleman and decides to go over and hear the man’s tale.

“Where are you from, old man?” Jesus asks.

“Well, I lived my life on the shores of the Mediterranean,” the old man replies.

“Hmmm. I spent some time there myself,” says Jesus. “What did you do for a living?”

“Well, I was a poor carpenter,” says the old man.

“Wow. So was I,” says Jesus.

“And I had a son,” says the old man. “Well, he wasn’t my son really, but a miraculous spirit came into him and he became famous, and people talk about him all over the world.”

Jesus is very excited, is sure he now knows who this man is, and can’t hold back any longer. “Father!” he cries.

The old man falls into Jesus’ outstretched arms. “Pinocchio!”

YOU KNOW YOU’RE GETTING OLD WHEN . . .

Everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.
You know all the answers, but nobody is asking you the questions.
Dialing long distance wears you out.
You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.
Your knees buckle and your belt won’t.

FOR YOU WW II GENERATION . . . A STORY ABOUT WINSTON CHURCHILL.

It seems there was a political opponent of his, a woman, who said to him once, “If I were your wife, sir, I would put poison in your tea!”

Without missing a beat, Churchill replied, “If you were my wife, madame, I would drink it.”

*HYMN

*BENEDICTION

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